Becoming a parent can change our lives in ways we never imagined. Moms and dads often express that they never felt such immense love before having kids and acknowledge how different their lives became afterward. However, having a child can also impact the relationship between parents, either positively or negatively.
Recently, a man named Adam shared with us how the birth of his child contributed to the breakdown of his marriage. His heartfelt story, filled with regrets, is presented below.
Becoming a parent completely changed Adam’s life.
Adam, now 38, recently wrote to us, candidly detailing his family story and expressing his regrets and reflections on the situation.
Adam explained that he now understands his mistakes, but earlier he felt like he was blind to the issues.
In his letter, Adam stated, “I’m not looking for pity or understanding from you and your readers. I’m sure I’m not even getting it. But I decided to share my story to make other men in my situation think twice before behaving the way I did.”
Adam wrote, “My ex-wife Joleen and I have a 15-month-old son. We tried hard to conceive, and Joleen went through serious medical treatment to make it possible. I was on cloud nine when I found out she was finally pregnant, and she was very happy too. I always knew she would make a great mom, and I constantly told her so. But things between us drastically changed after our son was born.”
The relationship between the spouses became very tense.
Adam continued sharing, mentioning that although their son was very much wanted by both of them, things went wrong from the start of their parenthood.
“After our baby was born, our marriage fell apart,” he revealed. “Joleen always complained that I wasn’t contributing enough with childcare and chores. She expected me to know what to do without telling me or explaining anything. I often had to guess, and it was frustrating.”
Adam admitted, “The situation between us was terrible. We argued a lot over trivial matters, and it exhausted us both. I ended up telling Joleen that her life would be harder without me.”
He shared how Joleen’s reaction was unexpectedly calm. “She got really quiet and just said that was the end of the argument, and she wasn’t going to bear it anymore. Things fell apart and soon we both filed for divorce.”
Now living separately, Adam is not happy with the outcome.
Adam wrote, “We’re living separately now, each with a new apartment. We share custody of our son equally, following our lawyers’ advice, doing alternating weeks since we separated.”
He admitted, “I knew being a single parent wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t fully grasp how hard it was until now. The weeks I have my son are overwhelming. I can barely function as I’m exhausted. When I don’t have him, I spend all my time catching up on the things I missed. My apartment is a mess, and I struggle to keep up with errands and chores.”
Adam thought that since he was struggling, Joleen would be too, and they might reunite. However, she doesn’t want to. She says her life is easier now without him.
Adam’s ex-wife seems to be enjoying her life without him.
Adam revealed, “Joleen said that unlike me, she keeps things organized and on time. She claims she isn’t exhausted anymore and realized that taking care of just our son, instead of both him and me, has made her life better.”
Adam confessed, “I know I messed up and should have been a better husband. I can’t ask for less time with my son because I can’t afford the child support. Right now, neither of us pays child support because of our 50/50 split. If we change this, my lawyer says the person with less time will have to pay child support.”
“I’m angry about the whole situation now and regret my previous choices. What I said to Joleen was totally inappropriate. The only one having a hard time now is me, which is heartbreaking for me.”
