Mom Shares Why She Never Asks Her Kids to Help with Chores

In a fresh take on household management, a mother from Utah, Sam Kelly, has attracted considerable attention. Her innovative approach to parenting and housework has sparked conversations among families. Sam, a mother of three and a former therapist who now works as a feminist coach, has a unique approach: sharing household responsibilities without asking her kids for “help,” aiming to teach them about the concept of “emotional labor.”

Initially, this might seem a bit too modern for some, but Sam’s compelling explanation makes it clear. She discussed her viewpoint during a conversation with Good Morning America, emphasizing the need to steer away from traditional expectations. Wanting to avoid repeating patterns within her marriage, especially concerning household duties, she applies this philosophy to raising her three children—Hero, Goldie, and Shepard—with her husband, Chas.

During her journey, Sam had a revelation while crafting a chore chart for her children. She realized this method perpetuated the traditional notion that mothers manage the home. Challenging this stereotype, she abandoned the word “help” in favor of a more inclusive approach she calls “notice and do.”

Sam’s belief is that the burden of managing home duties should be distributed equally among all family members, not just the mother. In various Instagram posts, she discusses how language plays a crucial role in changing perspectives. Instead of asking her children to assist her, she invites them to work alongside her. This subtle change emphasizes the collective responsibility involved in housework.

The term “help” implies that managing a home is the mother’s primary job, with others merely supporting her. Sam argues that running a home involves everyone’s participation and is no different from any other serious work.

To complement this language change, she introduced the “notice and do” practice. This teaches children to be observant and proactive, addressing chores as they arise without waiting for instructions.

While Sam’s methods have been met with praise, they have also stirred debate. Some support her for redefining gender roles and promoting shared responsibilities, while others believe parents should oversee household tasks. However, most agree that involving children in these duties equips them with essential life skills. Ultimately, it’s up to each family to find what aligns with their values and dynamics.

Sam has highlighted the importance of communication and flexibility in parenting. These principles foster a team environment at home where all members, including the children, play a significant role. By teaching children to share the load, Sam believes they will grow not only into capable adults but proactive partners and potentially better parents in the future.

According to Sam, imparting these skills helps children become problem-solvers, which is a valuable trait in all areas of life. By raising young ones who can identify and resolve issues independently, she aims to contribute positively to society.