Imagine planning your life with a vision of a peaceful retirement and globe-trotting adventures, only to have those plans turned upside down by the biggest surprise of all—an unexpected pregnancy. That’s exactly what happened to one man who found himself grappling with the daunting reality of fatherhood—a role he never envisioned for himself.
Meet 0dadbab0, a 48-year-old man who took to Reddit’s ‘Relationship Advice’ thread to share his heart-wrenching story. Alongside his 40-year-old wife, they had lived a blissfully ‘child-free’ life for 18 years. That was until they discovered they were pregnant. Quite the plot twist, right?
“I could not fault her,” he wrote tenderly. “I love her dearly. She knows what she is and isn’t capable of and she wasn’t capable of abortion.”
Despite their strong bond, the transition to parenthood hasn’t been a bed of roses. 0dadbab0 admitted finding it challenging to connect with his year-old son, which is a tough pill to swallow. His wife, however, has embraced motherhood with open arms, making his emotional struggle seem even more perplexing.
“I was planning on retiring in a few years. We were going to travel since we haven’t ever done much of it. I’ve always been fairly busy. I was ready to be done. I’ve worked hard to put us in a position where this was possible,” he shared. The man’s dreams of an imminent serene life were washed away by the waves of diapers and midnight feedings.
But here’s where it gets even more heart-wrenching. “When I look at my son I don’t feel love, just an overwhelming sense of responsibility. There’s this niggling sense of resentment,” he continued, adding, “I feel guilty about this. I’m afraid of failing him and creating some sort of monster. I’m afraid I’ll never feel content in my own home ever again.”
Many people on Reddit responded with empathy and understanding.
One user commented, “Is male postpartum depression a thing? If you were female, this would sound exactly like that. Babies are hard, and it doesn’t last forever. It does get easier as far as child rearing goes, but I think you need to seek help for how you’re feeling.”
Another voice added, “You need to see a therapist, not Reddit. You are experiencing grief. You are grieving for your lost freedom and lost plans. This is all retrievable, but you need to talk to a therapist.”
Yet another chimed in, “I also think this sounds like postpartum. Feeling out of control with the pregnancy and birth may be the cause or a huge contributor as well. [Original Poster] you are not alone and I encourage you to reach out. Good people ask for help, it’s okay.”
So, what’s the latest scoop? 0dadbab0 came back with an update. He’s stepped up to spend more time with his son, even asking his wife if he could have a day alone with the little one.
“Honestly the day went (expletive). We both had a tough time. He wanted mom and so did I. But there was this moment when I sang to him ‘I like to eat, eat, eat, apples and bananas’ and he laughed so (expletive) hard,” he recounted. “It wasn’t miraculous or revolutionary, but I felt this little spark inside me. This little ‘I want to do that again’ sort of feeling.”
He’s also started seeing a therapist, which has granted him some profound insights. “There are also a lot of unpleasant things I feel when I look at my son. What I’ve utterly failed to take into account is what I see, which is the epitome of innocence. Whatever negativity I feel is not his doing; that is all me and my fears surrounding him. He is not the source of my feelings. He is a trigger and I need to fix that.”
It looks like 0dadbab0 is on the right track to being the best parent he can be. Because, let’s face it, nobody’s perfect. Parenting is a rollercoaster, and all we can do is fasten our seat belts and hold on tight. In the end, effort and love go a long way—and this dad seems to be getting there, one day at a time.
