My loving husband, Todd, and I have been happily married for five years. For the past two years, we’ve been in an open marriage, which has worked wonderfully for us, keeping the excitement and freshness alive in our relationship.
Initially, I wasn’t completely on board with the idea—it was Todd who first suggested it. But, after considering the pros and cons, I realized there were more benefits to an open marriage than drawbacks. We’re both not the jealous type and value honesty in all our communications. Our plan from the beginning was to revert to a traditional marriage if either of us found the open relationship uncomfortable.
Everything was smooth between us. Last December, I started dating another man, and things clicked between us. I saw him regularly, and Todd also had a consistent partner. Despite this, Todd and I remained deeply in love. Last month, I discovered I was pregnant with twins, and they belong to my secondary partner.
To add context, I was on birth control, so this news was unexpected. It took me a while to process everything before I could finally tell Todd. Initially, Todd was immensely supportive and said, “I love you, honey, and these babies are a part of you, so I will love them with all my heart, too.”
I was overjoyed with his reaction! It’s worth noting that I’ve had several health issues primarily related to my reproductive system and was told conceiving would be unlikely. So, for me, this pregnancy felt like a miracle and a real chance to become a mom.
However, recently, Todd’s feelings shifted. He started to become uneasy about the twins once he realized their biological father wanted to be involved in their lives. Todd mentioned he’d be fine with the situation as long as the biological father didn’t play a part in the twins’ upbringing. To give some background, Todd’s mother had him as a teenager, and he was raised by a stepfather. He has a strained relationship with his biological father.
Although he had a stepdad, Todd always wished his biological father had been more involved in his life. I struggle to understand how he can’t empathize with the twins wanting their biological father to be part of their lives.
Recently, Todd suggested that we would never be happy with the twins in our lives. Early yesterday morning, he left a letter before a business trip, saying I have to choose—either the babies or a divorce.
I am in such a difficult position, uncertain about my ability to conceive again in the future. This pregnancy might be my only chance to have babies, which complicates the situation immensely. I desperately need advice and can’t decide how to navigate living with Todd and having the babies at the same time.
