Dear Wife,
I wanted to take the time to write this letter to let you know that I have made a difficult decision. After seven years of being together, I have decided to leave you for good. It’s been a challenging couple of weeks, and your recent actions have pushed me over the edge.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut. I prepared your favorite meal and even wore new silk boxers to surprise you, but you seemed disinterested and went straight to sleep after watching your soap operas. It made me question if you still love me or if you’re seeing someone else. Either way, it’s clear that our relationship has deteriorated, and I can’t continue living this way.
I want you to know that I won’t be reachable, as I have decided to move away to West Virginia with your sister. Please don’t try to find me; I need this fresh start. I wish you all the best in life.
Sincerely, Your Ex-Husband
P.S. Your sister and I are starting a new chapter together.
Dear Ex-Husband,
I must admit that receiving your letter has been the highlight of my day. Yes, we have been married for seven years, and you claim to have been a good man to me. However, your words do not align with your actions. Your constant whining and griping have driven me to find solace in my soap operas. They provide an escape from your negativity, which unfortunately doesn’t seem to fade away.
Regarding your new haircut, I did notice it. My first thought was how much it made you look like a girl. But I held my tongue because my mother taught me to say nothing if I can’t say something nice. As for the meal you cooked, it seems you mixed me up with my sister because I have been avoiding pork for the past seven years.
And those silk boxers? I turned away not because I wasn’t interested but because the price tag of $49.99 was still attached to them. It struck me as an unfortunate coincidence since that morning, my sister had borrowed $50 from me.
Despite everything, I still loved you and believed we could work through our issues. In fact, when I won 10 million dollars in the lottery, I quit my job and planned a romantic trip to Jamaica for the two of us. However, when I returned home, you were already gone.
I have come to realize that everything happens for a reason. I genuinely hope that you find the fulfilling life you always desired. On a legal note, your letter ensures that you won’t receive any financial support from me. Take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I cannot recall if I ever mentioned this, but my sister Carla was born as Carl. I hope that doesn’t bother you too much.
