A man visited the confessional and admitted, “Forgive me father, for I have sinned.” The priest inquired if he wished to confess his transgressions, and the man shared that he used the “F-word” over the past weekend. The priest suggested, “Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language.” However, the man expressed a desire to explain the circumstances behind his utterance of the “F-word.” With a sigh, the priest encouraged him to go on.

The man began, “Well father, last Sunday, instead of attending church, I went golfing with my buddies. And it wasn’t missing church that upset me.” Curious, the priest asked if the golf game was the reason behind the outburst. The man clarified, “No, not exactly. At the first tee, I mishit my drive far left into the trees.” Expecting the worst, the priest suggested, “And that’s when you swore?” However, the man corrected him, “No, that wasn’t it. As I approached my ball along the fairway, I noticed it had fortuitously bounced clear of the trees, setting up a perfect shot to the green.”

The man continued, “Before I could take my next shot, a squirrel darted past, snatching my ball and climbing up a tree.” The priest interjected, asking, “Is that when you said the ‘F-word’?” But the man answered, “No, because right then, an eagle swooped down, captured the squirrel in its talons, and flew away.” Breathlessly, the priest questioned again, “Is that when you swore?” Yet the man said, “No, because as the eagle flew over the green, the mortally struck squirrel released my golf ball, which then landed merely five inches from the hole.” The priest, overwhelmed by the tale, exclaimed, “Don’t tell me you missed that *****ing putt!”