My husband and I, both 45, have three children: a daughter, 25, and two sons, aged 22 and 19. Our home has always been filled with peace and harmony, and we’ve cherished countless sweet moments together as a family.
For years, we’ve dreamed of working hard while we’re young so we could retire early. Thanks to some good fortune and careful savings, we’re now in a position to make that dream a reality. Our two older kids have already moved out, leaving just our 19-year-old son at home.
We live in a spacious four-bedroom house in a rural area. With just the three of us at home, it’s more space than we really need. Our plan is to downsize, sell the house, and relocate to a smaller place in the city. We want to travel more, and a large house simply doesn’t fit into those plans. We’ve decided to put the house on the market in a few months.
Our youngest son is quite unhappy with this decision. He’s especially upset because we’ve told him he can’t come with us. He feels it’s unfair that his siblings got to live at home until after college, while he has to move out now.
To ease the transition, we offered to cover the first, last, and security deposits for any apartment he finds. However, he argues that a few months’ notice isn’t enough time to find a job and a new place to live. He’s been blaming us for our planning and for leaving him behind, which we believe is unfair.
I reminded our son of the fortunate and luxurious childhood he enjoyed. I told him that our offer to pay for his initial apartment costs is an act of kindness, not obligation. He didn’t take it well. He accused us of valuing our early retirement over his well-being and got his siblings and other family members involved in the dispute.
To our surprise, our other kids sided with their younger brother. They believe we should either postpone our plans for a few more years or let him move with us. When we didn’t change our minds, our daughter offered to have her brother stay with her, despite living in a one-bedroom apartment with her partner and our granddaughter. It was shocking to see such a unified and, in our view, disrespectful stance from our kids.
I find it unreasonable that our children expect us to put our dreams on hold just to accommodate the youngest. But with our kids united against us, there’s little communication happening. Our older son went so far as to say that when he buys his own place (he’s currently living with roommates), we wouldn’t be welcome to visit.
Even our parents are against us on this matter. They argue we’re acting selfishly by depriving our child of a home, despite our efforts to give him a good start on his independent life. My husband and I are feeling isolated as we can’t discuss the situation with anyone without being judged. We’re really at a loss for what to do next. What would you suggest?
